What I Learned From My First Bath in 25 Years

So I’m in Dallas this week, and Viewzi has wisely decided to get a corporate apartment rather than dropping cash on hotel rooms for all of their out if town contractors and employees. It’s a great decision, for the finances and comfort of the company and the guest. I have been the lucky first guest these last few days. After assembling a bed last night (which took a few hours thanks to Ikea’s backwards plank first step error) and a giant sleeper couch today, I was tasked with putting up the shower curtains today. And after hanging the first hook on what looked to be a perfectly proper curtain rod, I was plesently surprised to find, as the curtains came crashing to my feet, that the rod was a prop, much like the cardboard computers you see in display models. So, after deciding to take a bath to clean my sweaty body, I learned the following points about bathing as a 29 year old male:

• If you’re talker than 3’6”, there us no graceful or easy way to rinse your body.
• Water gets foggy really quick when cleaning.
• Bathing is not possible with out a floating plastic cup.
• You will immediately wish you were 5 as you now realize you’re 29 and help won’t be coming nor would it not be awkward if you got it.
• Peeing in the shower is no longer a valid option.